He shook his head, looking down. A disappointed chuckle escaping his throat.

"Now that's a hell of a thing to say."

Ishiyo frowned, "...my apologies foh the question but..." She looks back to him, "From what you have told me about you-eh life. It is not one many are suited foh, what of you-eh spouse if they are not able to cope with it? What will you do then?" Her frown deepens, "...I, well...it would ease my mind about a possible future to heah you-eh answeh."

"For you?" he looked frustrated. "If you fly it's not much different than what you deal with now, you'd just have to do it all over again. If you were my wife, you'd be given rank closer to mine, and though you'd feel some of the same pressure I do, you have a reputation, some proven skill. The lower rank bottom feeders might show some jealousy, but your seniors will give you enough room to work it out." he shook his head again. "My situation is what it is, I also have a strong ally who I earned the respect of anyway. Someone who would would die before letting Hiroshi-gunso get near me if he ever decided to make a move."

And then, much like the other night hearing about all the problems that went down and how enraged he was about people being hurt for stupid reasons at this miai because of a sick clown with too much status not giving two shits, Shokomaru showed some serious emotion. Doubt, fear, anger, anxiety, it all mixed together in a simple snort he gave at mentioning what he had.

"But that's if you fly...if you stay at home, well. You'd be in charge of one hundred and some people, mostly peasants who mind the paddies and farms, some loyal ji-samurai, then my semi-retired parents and my younger brother. You'd be in charge while I'm gone, having to build relationships and assure everyone is being productive. Honestly they don't require a whip crack, but it does take a very different kind of strength. And my mother would be around like I said, she has a lot of experience."

Ishiyo sighed and sat back looking down at the table. She sat in silence for a long moment, "I should not have asked. I try to keep an open mind but the stories...are what they are."

She bowed low again, "My apologies Daigotsu-sama. I let fear and doubt cloud my judgement." Her tone was apologetic, sincerely so.

"Worse has happened", he said nonchalantly. "Regardless, marrying into another house is considered an honor. And we have some crazy parties to welcome people. Most of the village still talks about the celebration after my father came home with my mother."

Ishiyo rose from her bow, she was not meeting his eyes at the moment. "...so where was you-eh motheh from?"

"Oh, she was a Susumu, though her parents were a Susumu and a Tsuruchi, i think the third daughter of some minor daimyo deep in their territory, they met at a winter court", he said. "I only met her once, but she was definitely a Tsuruchi's daughter, she had the accent and the first thing she asked me was if i was training kyujutsu at the dojo." he rubbed the back of his neck a bit, then cleared his throat. "My father's mother was a Soshi, daughter of a merchant who owed him a great deal of money if I remember right. She died before I was born though and he didn't remarry, he said it was her tradition and he wanted to honor it."

Ishiyo blushed, "I see...I see..." She sat across from Shokomaru looking rather embarrassed over the whole incident.

"What? Don't feel bad about it, they're tough questions but I fielded you fine, didn't i?" he held up his drink to her. "Really, it's fine", he held her gaze for a bit, then took a sip. "What about your parents? Was your mother born a Crane?"

"Ah...mother was a Doji, also from a prestigious line. It was a political sort of marriage. Gave the grandfatheh a bit of influence he needed to push through a few contracts and increase the family wealth anotheh few percentage points." Ishiyo relaxed a little, "Heh and fatheh get along quite well, they did not love each otheh to begin with but found in each otheh an equal ambition...if confined to two different worlds. Pa-Pa handles the business, Ma-Ma the politics."

"Doesn't seem they'd have to deal with each other much if they didn't want to", Shokomaru observed. "So it seems nice they get along."

He lit another cig. "For a while, after talking with people during training, it became apparent from what most said about their parents that mine didn't care for each other much", he puffed a bit, leaning his head side to side, deciding on something. "Before i left for duty, though, I saw them together and realized it was the first time I'd seen them interact outside of something official. It was awkward, but in a warm sort of way, it seemed like they were only starting to get to know each other after a long time of being apart. Like they'd never had the chance."

"I spoke before that I believe Benten's gifts are largely foh those who work foh them...not just something she frivolously tosses out on a whim." Ishiyo nodded, "But one does not always have the time one wishes foh the work. Perhaps you-eh own parents are finally finding that time?"

"True enough", he agreed giving her a slightly vulnerable glance. It didn't last long.

"But as we're here, and both in good health this time, and there is nothing standing between us either, I think there is one more important subject we can tackle before dinner is upon us."

Ishiyo blinked, "And that being....."

"What do you really expect from your partner?" He asked. "And being honorable and compassionate while staying out of your business is fine to say, but that's lower than the kind of expectation I'm talking about. Everyone wants those things to a degree. What are you really looking for? Aside flying, what's the wish they can grant you?"

"I..." She takes a breath, "I do not know...I though I did when I arrived. But not anymore."

"Someone I can grow to love? Will I only hurt them with my absence? Or my death?" Ishiyo looks down at the table, "On the opposite side will being away from them hurt me enough to change my dreams? Will it just be long periods of sorrow between brief glimpses of happiness. Maybe it would be betteh to just make the cold logical decision. But is a marriage with no hope of love any betteh? Is it betteh to have had something and lose it then to neveh have it at all."

She rests her head on a hand, "It is all so confusing...and I must sound like some child playing at philosophy."

"A little", he said looking away slightly. "But that's not a bad thing, really. It's not like we're older and more experienced samurai making decisions on a battlefield. We're choosing a spouse, something that over the centuries has always lacked any kind of real humanity, but is also entirely tied to our hearts."

He smiled softly, that time.

"But I asked you what you wanted. Be selfish, I don't care. It's a question, not me trying to look into the future."

Ishiyo blushed, what she wanted had a name attached to it....

"I...think in the end I want someone I can love, even if it means we hurt each otheh. Someone gentle and friendly, even if they may hide it behind a facade. And someone who would support me in my decision to remain a flyeh, with theih own wants to look afteh while we are parted."

Even though the words could well be about Shokomaru. Shokomaru knew she wasn't talking about Shokomaru. Which was too bad. It didn't show on his face much. After all, he'd told her to go ham.

"ooohh? Is that reaaaally all, Dai-do-ji-san?"

Ishiyo reddened, "Wh...what...more do you want?" Her lips twitched in a nervous smile.